


I know the sound of your heart

by Dylanobrienisbatman



Series: Spacekru [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 80 acres au, Apologies, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Happy Ending, Pining, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale, Reconciliation, spacekru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-09-01 04:31:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16758007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dylanobrienisbatman/pseuds/Dylanobrienisbatman
Summary: Bellamy fought hard, and got them the 80 acres on the edge of the valley. They built a house, big enough for all of them, they had a farm, they were happy and safe. Emori should be happy, she should feel like it was enough, but it wasn't. She and John were still apart, and their history made her scared to try.But as time went on, she watched as John became part of the group. She kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but the longer she waited, the more it seemed like he was really better.Was it time to give him another chance?





	I know the sound of your heart

Emori really didn’t notice it at first, which somehow made it all the better… and also more confusing. The war was won, the fighting was over, the valley had found peace, and she had her family back. Her friends were all safe, this new home they had found was beautiful and full of promise, and the sunshine that hit her face every morning was a reminder that she had  _ lived _ . Which was probably why she didn’t notice that John had started to help. 

At first it was so small: she’d see him lugging wood around for Bellamy, or helping Monty till the earth for a small patch of planting, or sweeping the floors of the communal space in the big house they had built for themselves. Six bedrooms and a big wide open space with an open ceiling and a fire pit; they all lived together, a community. A family. A home. And John… was contributing. The small things didn’t really set off any bells, because of course he was doing what Bellamy told him to do. They needed to build this home to survive, and John functioned well when survival was on the line. It was in the lull, the calm after all the fighting, when he started doing things for the good of the group that had no real benefit to him at all, that was when she had noticed it. 

She came out one morning and found John washing clothes with Madi, chatting with her and showing her how to get a particularly stubborn stain out. They all took turns teaching Madi things, from farming to fighting to books to engineering, but Emori had never expected John to participate. She had been waiting for him to recoil back into himself for weeks and, now that she thought about it, the thing she had been waiting for had never come. She paused around the corner, watching him without being seen. 

“You really just gotta dig into it, basically, and, believe it or not, that soap Monty made really helps,” he demonstrated, rubbing a shirt over a washboard with heavy pressure.

“Thanks for helping,” Madi said, watching carefully, “That’s Echo’s favourite shirt and she let me borrow it and I spilled strawberry jelly on it.” 

“If I didn’t,” he teased, “Echo could 100% kill you and make it look like an accident. Can’t have that on my conscience.” 

Madi elbowed him in the ribs and he shouldered her gently, smiling. 

“Want me to teach you some jokes while we’re out here?” he asked, and Emori was amazed at the uncharacteristic gentleness in his voice, “You said I was supposed to be the funny one.” 

Madi rolled her eyes, ever a teenage girl. “No need. Harper is funnier than you anyway.” 

He scoffed at her, not unkindly, and Emori slid out the door when he wasn’t looking, something warm in her chest she couldn’t place. 

It kept happening. 

She’d find him in the midst of a task, something big enough that it was clear he was helping because he wanted to, not just because he was being told. She caught him outside one morning, picking peppers off a small plant that Monty had finally gotten to bear fruit, turning them over in his hands to check for spots before pulling them off the branch and dropping them into the bucket he brought, taking care to make sure the small task was done well. It took her almost two weeks to realise that every morning, the breakfast that was made was his doing, cooked up and left on the table for everyone to pick through, even though he was often still in bed. She found out when she woke with a start one night and came out to get a drink to find him playing music on the little iPod and dancing around the fire pit, turning small bread rolls over with tongs and stirring some tomato concoction before dropping eggs into the middle and covering it with a lid. She stood back and watched, for almost 10 minutes, while he finished cooking and laid everything out on the table, made himself a small plate, and retreated to his room after dropping the iPod back on the charger in the rover. It had taken a few weeks, at the start, before he started appearing at family dinners, but now he just… hung out. He’d share a beer with Bellamy, or toss little pieces of bread at Echo when she made some remark, or just sit quietly in the corner, holding his drink close to his chest and watching them. 

Her fear of his self-destruction was what had driven her to push him away; her fear of his anger and his inability to be a part of their family was the thing that had frustrated her. His inability to feel that her love wasn’t conditional on him being the only person in her life had driven a wedge between them that she couldn’t move past, drove her to choose herself over a toxic relationship, no matter how much she loved him. And now… now he wasn’t self-destructing. He wasn’t angry or self isolating or unwilling to be a part of the group anymore. He was present, he was kind, in his John Murphy way, and he was part of the family. Watching him now felt like learning to love him again, this new him. 

Her curiosity got the better of her one morning when she walked up on him sanding down a small wooden rack. 

“What’s that?” she asked, and he startled a little, looking up, tossing her a gentle smile. She didn’t miss the sadness behind his eyes, though. 

“Oh… uh.. Raven needed a place to hang her brace up to dry after a heavy rain. Was up already aft—” he coughed quickly, recovering from his almost-slip of revealing that he was the mysterious breakfast fairy. It was sweet, that he thought they didn’t know, even though they’d talked among themselves and decided it was absolutely him. “Uh, I was up already, thought maybe I’d see if I could make something that would work for that.”

Emori tilted her head. “Did she… did someone ask you to do that?” 

“Nah, I heard her complaining about it to Zeke the other day, that just laying it on the floor left some weird wet spots or something. I had some spare time and thought I’d give it a go.” 

Emori had no excuse for the way her heart leapt into her throat. “That’s.. really nice of you.” 

“Eh, it’s whatever,” he brushed it off, but she saw the blush creep up his neck. 

She didn’t fight him, but brushed her hand over his shoulder as she walked off to find Echo and Madi. They were off in the woods for their morning lesson in tracking, but before Emori was out of sight, she stole a glance back at John, in time to see him shaking his head slightly and then start sanding down the wood again. 

A few days later, she walked past Raven’s room, and saw her laying the brace on top of the rack. She paused in the doorway, and Raven looked up at her. 

“Hey  _ snacha _ … What’s up?” 

“John made that for you?” she asked, knowing the answer and jumping right into it. 

Raven smiled, almost knowingly, and nodded. “Yeah. It works great.” 

“And...you didn’t ask him too?” Emori prodded, recalling what John’s answer to the same question, but needing to double check. 

“Nope,” Raven shrugged. “He just brought it to me the other day. I was about as shocked as you look right now.” 

“I just…” Emori broke off, trying to make sense of all her conflicting emotions. “He’s trying, right, but I’m just worried…I don’t know.”

“We all saw what he was like on the Ring, Emori,” Raven said soothingly. “We all saw him in that place, and we saw what it did to you. You’re allowed to feel like this.” 

Emori came all the way into the room, sitting on Raven’s bed. Raven settled in next to her, taking her hand. 

“This was what I wanted,” Emori said carefully. “I wanted him to be a part of this family we had built, and now that he’s doing it… It’s all I wanted, but I still don’t know.”

“If he’s trying, that’s good, and if he’s part of the group now, that’s good too. But Emori,” Raven paused, bending over a little to make sure Emori met her eyes. “You don’t owe him anything.” 

“I know,  _ eitmeika _ _ ,” _ Emori said quietly. It meant the world to her that her family protected her and valued her as much as they did. “Thanks.” 

Raven pressed a kiss to her cheek, and stood up. “He’s trying, and he’s getting better. He’s contributing, he’s part of the group, and he is letting you be part of the family without all that bullshit he used to pull. He might not be all the way there yet, but no matter if he makes it there or he doesn’t, you’re allowed to put yourself first.” 

“Yeah…” Emori nodded, and smiled up at her sister. 

Raven held out a hand, and Emori laced their fingers together, letting herself be led out into the light.

She spent the next few weeks watching John, just taking in what this new world was turning him into. She woke up early one morning, the sunshine streaming through the window, and an autumn chill catching her toes; she threw on her clothes and some thick socks, wrapped the blanket around her shoulders, and wandered out to the fire pit to warm up. 

John was up already, making breakfast; he froze when he saw her. 

“Hey… I… I uh…” He was at a loss for words. He almost backed away from the food, before she spoke. 

“We all knew it was you,” she said softly. 

“Yeah?” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking down. 

“Well, once we talked about it and realised it wasn’t any of the rest of of us…” she huffed a small laugh, and he smiled. 

“I… I didn’t want you to think I was… doing it for you. Or… whatever.” She stayed silent, just watching him. “I mean, I know you said that I would fall apart. And I didn’t want to do that...which, okay, maybe at the start, it was sort of for you. But it’s different now. We’re not trapped anymore. I can be useful here.”

“You could have always been useful, John.”

“Yeah,” he made a face like he didn’t believe that for a moment, then gestured to the fire, “But not like this. I can’t code, or fly rockets, or do all that science shit. I can’t fight, and learning how to fight isn’t… useful. But here? I can cook, I can build things, I can teach Madi some stuff, and—”

“And you don’t feel trapped anymore,” she finished for him. She had always known, before they even went up, what space and The Ark had been like for him. It wasn’t a secret that going back up was hard for him from the start. “Space was never kind to you.”

“No,” he agreed quietly. “My memories of space were all terrible, before we went to earth. Being back there… it wasn’t good for me. But Earth…I can just… be. I don’t know.” 

He stirred the eggs in the pan a little and removed it from the heat. She watched as he covered it with the heavy stone lid, to keep it warm, and picked up a small roll with jelly, walking over and pressing it into her hands. 

“I’m glad you’re better here John,” she said simply, meaning it. Her next words were old words, heavy words, but she meant them just the same. “I don’t like seeing you in pain.” 

The day at the rocket felt so long ago, trying with all her might to get that damn shock collar off of him, to protect him. 

John smiled, walking back towards his room. He’d only been gone a minute or two when she realised how much she had really missed him. 

She found herself drifting towards him more and more over the weeks following, just watching him integrate into the group more and more. Watching him become part of the family. Without realising it, soon she was sitting by his side at every meal, pressed up against him when her body was heavy with moonshine and joy, leaning against the doorframe in the hall watching him busy body around and cook. Her heart ached when he went to his room alone and closed the door behind himself every night, and she had to shove down the urge to ask him to come back to her room, and to just… let herself be held again, and let herself wrap herself around him and feel warm and close to him again.

Luckily she didn’t have to keep pushing those feelings down for too long.

Murphy settled in next to her one night when they were all sitting around the fire, and her heart thumped loudly in her chest. 

“Did you hear Harper beat Echo in a pull-up contest yesterday? You were out with Bellamy doing something, but it was awesome.” He said, half laughing. She couldn’t help the smile that took over her face.

“I didn’t, actually. Good for her, I bet  _ sofstepa _ was pissed.” 

“Oh definitely. Grumbled all afternoon, demanded a rematch, said her arms were  _ tired _ from the work she’d been doing all day.” 

"But... weren’t me and Bell gone in the morning?” 

“Yep.”

She chuckled, and he shifted a little closer, their knees bumping and their arms brushing, so she let herself lean into him just a little. 

He seemed to take it as an invitation, and slide all the way up so he was pressed against her, and she took it in stride, leaning into him even more, resting her hand on his thigh and crossing her leg under his. 

They sat for a minute, warm and close, until she felt him go a little stiff under her, and then pull away. 

“Can we… I… Emori we need to talk.” He said in a hushed voice, staring at his lap. 

“Sure.” She felt hesitant, but she had a few things to say herself. 

“Somewhere private?” 

She nodded, and stood, holding out a hand. He didn’t take it, standing and gesturing for her to lead the way, and so she did, turning and walking towards the house, away from the fire and the happy noise of their little family. 

They got to the house, and she led him to her room, and shut the door behind him. She expected him to sit, but he just paced, so she perched herself on the edge of her bed and followed him with her eyes. It had been a few minutes when she finally couldn’t take the silence. 

“What is going on, John?” He froze, like he had forgotten she was there, or had forgotten she might speak. He turned to face her, and his eyes looked sad. 

“You can’t keep doing that.” He said, finally, his voice quiet and a little broken. 

“Doing what?”

“Just… whatever this has been lately. You hanging around, and being close to me, and stuff. I can’t… you can’t.” 

“Why?” She felt her heart rising into her throat, and tears pricking the corners of her eyes. “Do you not want me to? If you don’t want me… this… I can stop. I didn’t mean t-”

“Wait… what?” He cut her off, his eyes wide. 

“I just mean that I thought maybe you still wanted… whatever this might be but if you don’t then I can stop, I-”

He lurched across the room, like some invisible string had yanked him from his shoulders, and before she had a chance to realise what was happening, he cupped her face in his hands, tipping her chin up, and kissed her. 

His lips were soft, almost tentative against hers, and his hands were warm on her cheeks, and she had to remind herself to kiss him back from the shock. She raised her hands and held onto his forearms, standing so she could pull herself closer to him. He held the kiss, her lower lip trapped between his, for a moment, before he pulled back, resting his forehead against hers. She kept her eyes closed, pursing her lips to hold onto the feeling of sparks that were travelling up and down her limbs like lightning. 

“I didn’t think you wanted this. I thought you were just… getting comfortable around me again, and I couldn’t bear it. Every time you talked to me I felt like my body was ripping apart, trying not to push too hard or say too much, say the wrong thing.”

“I’ve been feeling this way for a while, really. We got back here, and I was so ready to keep on being angry with you, but you fell into this place to well, and you didn’t self destruct. I was sure you would, that this... peace would be the end of you again, but it wasn’t. Watching you with Madi, watching you be a part of this, I didn’t know my body could hold so many feelings.” 

“Why didn’t you say something?” She opened her eyes at that, and found his grey blue eyes tracing the lines of her face. 

“Because I didn’t want to scare you off, and I was sort of worried that you were doing it for me, at first.”

“I wasn’t.”

“I know that, at least now I do.” She whispered. Their noses were brushing, and she reaching her hand up to thread her fingers into his soft hair at the nape of his neck. 

“I mean… I did it a little bit for you.” He whispered, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her in closer. 

She pushed up on her toes, letting their lips brush but not quite kissing him, and smiled. 

“Good.” She whispered, before kissing him again, earning her a soft noise. He lifted her off the ground and spun her once before sitting back on his bed, lifting her onto his lap, kissing her soft and slow. She let herself wrap around him, pulling herself flush against him, and was winding her arms under his to hold his back when he pulled back. 

He reached up, and brushed her cheek with his thumb, and she realised she was crying. She stared at the water on this thumb a little dumbfounded. 

“Are you…”

“I love you.” She whispered, unsure of what else to say. There weren't really any other words to describe how she felt. “I missed you.” She pulled him back in, kissing him again, open mouthed and sloppy, pulling him so close that he had to lean them forward, whispering the words again and again between their lips, like she’d never be able to say them enough. She pulled him down onto the bed, and laid next to him, pressing kisses all over his face and neck, before tucking her face into his chest. 

He wrapped his arms around her, burying his face into her hair, and they just laid there, the sound of his heartbeat thumping in his chest loud in her ear. 

She was starting to drift, safe and warm in his arms, when she heard him murmur softly into her hair. 

“I love you, I always did. Thank you for letting me come back to you.” 

She clutched him a little closer as she felt sleep take her, thinking that she couldn’t remember the last time she felt this safe. 


End file.
